


Boston is Burning

by QuietContender



Series: Boston Romance [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Jealousy, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-30
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 00:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1878888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietContender/pseuds/QuietContender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane and Maura are forced to recognize their feelings for each other after the events in the season 1 finale. The addition of a handsome stranger complicates matters even further. Occurs between S1 and S2.</p><p>Originally posted on ff.net. Edited for a better reading experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, readers. If you haven't read this fic on ff.net, this is the first installment of a long-running series that I started on there. Hopefully, I should have all of the installments/associated oneshots posted within a couple of weeks. Hope you enjoy.

Maura Isles pulled up to the large brownstone apartment complex that housed her best friend, Jane Rizzoli, hoping – for what felt like the umpteenth time in the last hour – the woman hadn’t forgotten about their pre-planned movie night. She had planned this activity for the two of them to cheer her friend up after all of the chaos involving the shooting at BPD that occurred several weeks prior. Despite her efforts at maintaining a plan for the two of them, Maura was finding the act of keeping plans with the injured detective similar to pulling teeth from a recalcitrant six-year-old.

As her friend and better half in solving the various crimes of Boston, Maura intimately knew the constant stresses of representing the thin blue line but she couldn’t help feeling that Jane’s blaming of her lack of mental organization seemed like a cop-in to Maura. The detective was clearly trying to jerk her around. Pinpointing the problem was one thing, figuring out the reasons for Jane’s sudden coy behavior was beyond her limited expertise.

With a firm shake of her honey-colored locks, Maura opened the door to her Aston Martin DB9 before gingerly closing the driver door. A car fancier, she was not, but the last thing she wanted to do was ruin the luxurious car’s paint job; not to mention, her favorite little man was sitting on the passenger side. Bass, a fifteen year-old African Spurred tortoise, hated disturbances in his environment, a characteristic shared by his mother. Unlike all of the other various relationships she had had in her life, Bass was easy to please, loyal, and completely free of judgment. No matter the frequency of Jane’s frequent sarcastic responses concerning Maura’s pet, the blonde loved Bass completely. Nothing could take his place in her heart.

Maura confidently took Bass in hand and slung his travelling Hermes bags from the trunk, ignoring the various looks from Jane’s young neighbors and looked up earnestly at her darkened window. _I think my body temperature just increased and my muscles are contracting quicker than a normal rate for a healthy woman in my age range. What is going on with me? Why does Jane make me feel this way, more importantly?_

 Maura couldn’t remember when she had ever experienced such elation upon interacting with anyone, nonetheless another woman. In boarding school, she had felt something similar in regards to her roommate yet even that was no comparison to her present feelings for Jane. Yes, she had to admit to herself that there was a certain level of sexual tension between the two of them, but her experience with the anatomy reminded her that her attraction to Jane was just a natural hormonal response to the high-level of stress she put herself under every day and the current diminished state of her sex life. On the days when she desired a more substantial line of logic to explain away her attraction, the principle of the appeal of contrasting personalities was a popular choice.

Attraction wasn’t the problem. Maura had been attracted to her share of individuals. It was the overwhelming desire to act on that attraction that made even the smallest act between the two of them difficult. She ached for Jane’s touch on her body, taste on her tongue, beauty on private display. This…thing between them was beyond simple attraction, love was a more correct diagnosis of her symptoms. Attraction was logical, a simple biological response to pheromones being released but love was illogical, impossible to analyze adequately with all of the statistics and semantics that Maura loved, relied on as a backbone to her very soul.

Years of higher education in the sterilized world of academia and applied science taught her that love was a concept sold to the highest bidder. It had no place in a true scientific mind of high-caliber such as Maura’s. Just the simple acknowledgement that she could be in love with Jane Rizzoli physically made her ill. The paralyzing heart palpitations, increased production of hormones that led to a similar increase in pleasurable feelings, and the shortness of breath always led to the one conclusion that, according to Jane’s quaint lexicon, scared the shit out of her.

She couldn’t fall in love with Jane. She just couldn’t fall in love again.

A small sigh of exhaustion slipped from Maura’s throat as she finished the seemingly never-ending trudge up the steps to Jane’s apartment with Bass in tow. Three knocks on Jane’s plain apartment door announced the blonde’s presence, her rapid heart-rate shuddering to a stop in expectation. Minutes of uncomfortable silence passed and Maura’s reptilian friend began to move his scaly limbs in an effort to escape her strong hold, yet the door still remained closed.

She looked down at Bass with a pitying frown before placing him on the ground, “Sorry, honey, but Mommy has to figure out where Jane is. Can you believe she’s forgotten about our plans to hang out tonight?” A smile graced her lips when Bass looked up at Maura with his beady eyes before returning his head inside his shell.

In annoyance, Maura leaned down, placing her body flat to the dusty floor. A small beam of light signified Jane’s presence so why wasn’t she answering her knocks? Questions raced through her mind as Maura moved to stand up to make one last effort to knock. If she didn’t answer, Maura decided she would call the police, but…wait…isn’t Jane the police? Can you call the police on the police? Maura’s heart threatened to ram through her ribcage as the fluttering palpitations began to rise into an unbearable crescendo of unbearable anxiety. _God, where are you, Jane?_

Finally, the sound of shuffling feet muttered throughout the small corridor just as the answering reply of locks being disengaged methodically and lazily rose to Maura’s attention. The door creaked opened, revealing the same slightly disorganized apartment that she had grown accustomed to seeing since visiting Jane at home briefly after the shooting. Jane, however, was nowhere to be seen in the sliver of open apartment, forcing Maura to look quizzically at the opened door.

“Jane, unless you’ve developed the skill to create an opening device for your apartment, I think it’s best that you stop hiding behind the door.” Maura sighed, lifting Bass up from the floor and forcing her way inside the shambled mess of an apartment. “Why did you take so long to answer the door? I was about to leave.”

Turning around, Maura saw why the detective was so obviously hesitant to open the door.  Her curly hair was tangled in knots that appeared as if they hadn’t seen a brush in weeks, usually playful brown eyes were rimmed in red, and shockingly pale arms hung like dead weight from her athletic frame.

Jane closed the door with a sigh before shuffling back to her residence on the lumpy old couch covered in several colorful assortments of sheets, tumbled with obvious use. “So…did you see that I brought Bass? Because, you know, we planned a movie night last week…you remember, right? When you told me you wanted to watch ‘Rent’ and to ‘bring that shellfish along if you want.’ I assumed you meant Bass, despite the fact that he’s not a mollusk.”

“What? What are you talking about? How could we have plans when I haven’t seen you since I got back from the hospital?” Jane muttered, looking down to see Bass staring back up at her. “God, I still don’t understand how you live with a tortoise.”

“How do you live with a dog?” Maura replied, making a spot on the recliner nearest the makeshift bed.

Jane rolled her eyes. “That’s not fair, Maura. Living with a dog is different because…dogs are, you know, cuddly and dependable. Come on, even you have to acknowledge the benefits to being comforted after a hard day of work with Jo Friday than hugging a reptile with no ears, scales, and a sixteen pound shell that feels like hugging a tree without the bark. There’s nothing dependable about a tortoise unless you count the fact that you always know where they are, since they can’t move that fast.”

“Dependable, adjective, meaning to be capable of depending on or reliable. I think a tortoise classifies as reliable, Jane,” she replied innocently before grabbing the nearest couch cushion and throwing it softly toward her best friend’s comforter covered head. “And stop trying to change the subject. Why didn’t you answer the door after the first knock? I thought you had collapsed.”

Peeking out from her fort of sheets, Jane’s tangled mass of loose chocolate brown curls framed her mischievous eyes, Maura’s heart clenched in response.

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry for making you worry and feel emotions that bring you even closer to the flawed human race. I don’t know what I was thinking. God, maybe I should arrest myself for being such a jerk all the time,” she mused. “Oh yeah, now I remember, I was so busy _recovering_ from shooting myself last month after the siege on BPD. But really, Maura, I’m so sorry for making you worry and being so damn selfish.”

“If you used half of that abundant wit on getting better, instead of cracking sarcastic jabs at your best friend, who might as well be _your only friend_ , you’d be cleared for active duty already.” Maura smiled at Jane’s hidden face before getting up and attempting to tidy up the area around the couch where Jane lay. “Several studies developed by the Mayo Clinic determined that sarcastic patients recovering from life-threatening injuries are less likely to heal sufficiently in order to return to work than patients with similar injuries who have positive outlooks.”

“Thank god, I have you all to myself, Maura. I’d probably be dead in a ditch if it wasn’t for your endless knowledge of meaningless facts and figures,” rolling her eyes at the tired brunette’s continued sarcasm, Maura began opening Bass’s travel bags she had brought with her and began setting up a brightly colored playpen for the tortoise slowly investigating Jane’s living room.

A sigh of exhaustion echoed through the room as Jane’s eyes hit the shocking pinks and yellows of the playpen area that Maura had begun putting together in the middle of her living room. “What the hell is that? _Please_ tell me you aren’t setting a playpen up for an animal that moves at the same pace as my grandfather, who had arthritis in his knees.”

Maura looked up briefly before resuming her task of connecting the various plastic pieces together. Despite Jane’s obvious disapproval, she knew her pet tortoise and could provide statistical evidence proving the increase of Bass’s mood when he was in a surrounded enclosure that he was familiar with, but she had a feeling that would not be enough evidence for the amused brunette.

With a small caress of his smooth shell, Maura cooed softly to the tortoise before picking him up and placing him in his playpen. Immediately, Bass removed his head from his shell and began to, albeit slowly, move around his protected enclosure.

“You are just the cutest little reptile in the whole wide world, Bass. Are you hungry? I’ve brought some lovely organic kale and, if you’re a good boy for Auntie Jane, I’ll give you some of those British strawberries you’re so fond of,” Maura cooed, petting the top of his leathery head lovingly.

Jane ogled in a mixture of awe and immeasurable envy at Bass’s intimate moment with the blonde doctor. Subconsciously, she ran her hand through her tangled locks as anxiety began flooding her veins.

Even before the shooting, Jane had been feeling an undeniable wave of nervousness working through her intestines every time Maura was near. Their furtive glances and seemingly platonic exchanges had always been a trademark of their friendship, but even Jane had begun to notice the burgeoning sexual tension developing between them. Working with Maura on cases was bearable because of the focus on catching killers but these kinds of personal visits had been curtailed.

The minutes passed at the same pace of Bass’s movements as Maura continued to purr at her reptilian friend; Jane felt like she was trapped in an oven that kept getting hotter and hotter with each firm step of Maura’s candy-apple red Monolo Blahniks on her hardwood floor. _God, damn it, does the woman buy her heels from Lets_Make_Jane_Rizzoli_Crazy.com or maybe it’s not the heels. Maybe it’s her…_

A silent moan hit the brunette’s lips as she hid underneath the covers of her childhood comforter, reddened eyes hidden from Maura’s view. Jane had always relished in her identity as the tough-as-nails homicide detective but if Maura saw her crying… How she could ever go back to BPD with her head held high? But it wasn’t just pride that forced her to cover her tear-stained face from her best-friend.

_Just admit it. I  want to get to know Maura Isles on a deeper level that involves late-night discussions over who’s hogging the sheets, which inevitably leads to sweaty exploration and maybe, if she’s vocal, a little moaning and screaming…_

Jane was finding it impossible to repress these desires for her best friend. Without a case to keep her mind preoccupied, Jane’s mind traveled from her mother’s endless hovering to Maura’s soft slightly freckled skin and her willowy grace in endless varieties of stilettos, sling-backs, and peep-toes. No matter how much she lusted after Maura Isles, there was no way she could sleep with a woman. Had she thought about it before this point? Yes, but any self-respecting female with a healthy understanding of her sexuality has thought about women in a sexual manner once or twice, but this infatuation with Maura had passed being normal during the events of last month that had put her in the hospital.

That day had ended up being the last day for eight people. Frankie would have made the total nine if she hadn’t made the decision to shoot herself in order to incapacitate her captor. Even with Maura’s quick medical MacGyver that prevented Frankie’s immediate death, Jane remembered that, in that moment, nothing else mattered except saving her brother’s life, no matter the sacrifice. His collapsed lung practically ensured Frankie’s untimely death, unless she did something drastic and, in Jane’s fear warped mind, losing Frankie would tear the family apart much more than her own death. In a spilt second, the life-altering decision was made as she half led/fought with her captor toward the police stand-off outside of BPD.

“Save Frankie, save Frankie, save Frankie,” her trained mind repeated incessantly when the hot bullet sliced through skin, muscle, and through her defenseless captor. Yet with the release of her captor’s grip and her fall back to earth, came another mantra that caught the detective off-guard, “Maura, Maura, Maura.”

The thought was quickly wiped from her mind as the unbelievable pain annihilated her consciousness. The ensuing chaos flashed before Jane’s eyes as each thread of her memory connected to that one moment of semi-clarity: the feel of Maura’s comforting presence as the ambulance raced through the crowded Boston streets with abandon.

“Everything is going to be okay, Jane,” Maura’s rambling words of comfort rang out, giving her the strength to keep fighting for each difficult breath in that cramped ambulance. “Statistically your odds of dying, Jane, are slim, you know that and I know that; but that doesn’t mean you should stop fighting for me, okay? I’m not letting you go. I’ll be with you every step of the way but…I need to know, I need to know you’re not going to give up, Jane. Please promise me…”

Tongue too heavy to form syllables, Jane felt the world melt away as the struggle to remain focused on Maura’s shaky words of confidence became too difficult. It wasn’t till she woke up two weeks later in a hospital bed at Boston Memorial before she had learned that the doctors had to make the difficult decision to medically induce a coma in order to save her mangled body. Despite her family being by her side, welcoming her back to the land of the living, Jane couldn’t shake the memory of trying to hold onto Maura’s fading presence. As much as it pained her to acknowledge her rare period of weakness, it nearly killed her to accept that no one could have comforted her in the way that Maura did.

Once she woke up in the hospital, Jane was instantly surrounded by her mother’s tearful hugs as she raced between Frankie’s room and mine, however, Maura was absent. Two weeks of mandatory physical therapy and Maura was still, conspicuously absent. Thoughts ran havoc through her sanity as Jane realized that she had been abandoned by the very same woman she needed most of all to assure her that everything was going to be okay. Somehow, the naïve blonde doctor had become the pillar of strength that she didn’t even know she needed and, with that title, came a slew of unwelcome emotions that Jane loved yet hated.

After jumping through various hoops, Jane had finally assured Dr. Byron “Uckey” Sluckey that she was well enough to continue healing at home and she was finally allowed to return to the cluttered comfortableness of her apartment. She had refused her mother’s assistance in driving her back home and couldn’t bear the embarrassment of having Maura see this fragile side of her personality so, with reluctance, Jane called a cab. The cab ride would have been tolerable, if not for the driver’s appraising look of apprehension upon seeing the brunette’s haggard face.

 Opening the door to her apartment had taken more effort than usual but, after a mighty duel of annoyance, the defeated wooden barrier finally gave way.  The same clutter of unfolded clean clothes that had been left haphazardly on the couch the morning of the shooting greeted Jane along with the unexpectedly inviting image of Maura playing innocently with Jo.  She couldn’t find the ability to speak as Maura turned around with a shocked grimace that was impossible for the seasoned detective to read correctly. Even with her exhaustion addled brain, Jane felt the tides of change splashing toward her body. Pain travelled up her side with each breath, expectation shaking her weakened body.

**********************

“You really should be back in the hospital, Jane. Nearly sixty-three percent of released patients from serious injuries reported wanting to return back to the hospital after seven weeks of unsupervised home-care which was up nearly fifteen percent from patients who stayed the suggested term as dictated by a licensed physician.”

Jane Rizzoli’s bag dropped as her brain reprogramed to handle the potential conundrum that was Maura Isles. “And I needed to know that because?”

“Because it was hard enough being worried about your health in a fully equipped hospital with around-the-clock care but now that you’ve checked yourself out of the hospital to sit on your couch and eat unhealthy potato chips with high levels of saturated fats and empty calories, now I have to worry about you hurting yourself with no help,” Maura said exasperatedly. “But I guess there’s no point trying to reason with you, Jane. Once you’ve made your mind up about something, nothing can stop you.”

She angrily stepped forward, but after seeing the frustration in Maura’s eyes shift slightly into fear, Jane quickly stepped back. “I’m tired.”

“You don’t think I’m tired?” Maura spat back.

“Well,” Jane said, cracking the various kinks in her tight neck. “Last time I checked, you weren’t shot by a .22 caliber bullet so, no, I don’t think you could be nearly as tired as I am right now, Maura.”

“I guess you’re right. What would I know about pain and hurting since I’ve had everything given to me with a silver spoon?” Maura’s voice cracked slightly as the tears began to flow freely upon her classical features, unnoticed by the tired homicide detective. “I’ve been hurting just as much as you have, Jane. Just because I don’t bury my feelings away into my subconscious under the guise of following some preordained blue-wall-of-silence, doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking about you with every passing day. All of sudden, your presence was gone; you can’t imagine how many times I stared at my door, hoping you’d come in to the lab and flash me that cocky smile of yours.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, really I am. But…I’m tired of worrying. I’m tired of going through every day feeling something similar to a myocardial infarction every time the phone rings...I never assume, Jane, but lately that’s all I’ve been doing. What’s wrong with me? I can’t sleep, my heart races, and I’ve developed a case of constant dyspnea every time I think about you.”

Jane’s mind swirled as she collapsed unto her worn-in couch. Her mind struggled to understand the vocabulary that Maura loved to use. Light tapping of the blonde doctor’s conservative maroon platform pumps echoed in the small space, a sigh coming from her lips as Maura leaned her Yves Saint Laurent covered hip on the somewhat dusty kitchen island.

“You’ve developed a constant state of what? And what’s a myocardial infarction?” Jane said exasperatedly as the sleep began to overtake her, the warmth of the apartment combining irresistibly with the welcoming worn fabric of her couch.

Maura was mute as she began to pace while Jo sat quietly following the blonde’s movements. “A constant state of dyspnea is breathlessness and a myocardial infarction is a heart attack. You do know what a heart attack is?”

“You’re so funny, Maura, that sometimes I forget to laugh. And do you think you could,” a yawn broke from Jane’s mouth interrupting her sarcastic comment, “stop pacing in front of my dog? Jo is easily influenced. Next thing I know, she’ll be pacing up and down my apartment and I’ll have to get her anti-anxiety pills for dogs, which probably cost more than my rent.”

Rolling her eyes in ignorance, Maura continued pacing for several minutes, leaving Jane time to take off her shoes before pushing the basket of unfolded clothes on the floor and swallowing herself up in the welcoming sheets left on the couch before the shooting. Immediately, her restless nerves calmed and her fiercely aching wound stopped pulsating waves of jaw-grinding pain through the brunette’s slight frame.

Jane’s eyes began to close as she readied herself for the first night of restful sleep she’d had since the shooting but, in typical fashion, Maura awakened her with a shout of surprise. “Oh no…no, this can’t be happening. Shortness of breath, racing heart, insomnia…they all point to one diagnosis. But that can’t be right. You’re my best friend; I couldn’t possibly be in love-”

“I love you too,” the tired brunette interrupted. “Now, could you please leave before I sick my dog on you?”

************************

It was next to impossible to remember anything after that, no matter how many times she racked her brain for the details. After that night, everything between the two of them returned to a level of semi-normalcy that was bearable. Nothing had been addressed concerning Maura’s behavior that night or what happened in the ambulance; Jane frequently cursed herself for her inability to bring either incident up. As much as she wanted to talk to Maura about what happened between them, Maura kept making it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to talk about it.

  _It never happened_. _Your analgesic dosage must be too high…it’s making you delusional, Jane. I strongly encourage you to talk to Dr. Sluckey about changing the recipe to create a better fit for your metabolism. Continuing to ignore problems with your medications will result in further handicaps, both mental and physical. How will the captain reinstate you if you’re handicapped?_

But it did happen, Jane repeated each morning she woke up and each night as a result of the slew of medication that gave her insomnia, mood swings, and delusional thoughts. But, despite her ailments, she couldn’t just ignore what had happened like Maura seemed adamant on doing. Their friendship meant more to her than that.

Jane was finding it impossibly difficult to bring the discussion up, however, given their conflicting schedules. All of the nonsensical mandatory psych evaluations, physical therapy sessions, and group therapy meetings made free time a luxury for the exhausted detective. Each lonely day since the shooting blended to the painful exhausted nights that never seemed to get better. With callisthenic exercises to build her muscles back up, staring aimlessly at the Home Shopping Network, and answering texts and calls from mostly unknown well-wishers from BPD and the media, she was finding it impossible to get fully healed, made even worse by her inane pull to Maura. Somehow, between saving her brother and listening to Uckey Sluckey refer to her recovery time as “lackluster, at best,” her feelings for Maura had festered into a full-blown infatuation bordering on obsessive…lust. Something had to be done concerning their rapidly changing relationship, and quickly.

\---

“Would you like me to come back after you’ve finished daydreaming?” Maura said. “Since you’ve clearly forgotten about our plans, I’m going to go to the store to get some popcorn. I told you to get some, remember? Could you watch Bass until I come back?”

She fidgeted, her eyes wandering dangerously across the detective’s body. Maura knew that the longer she waited, the higher her chances of Jane noticing her oozing anxiety wafting into the small apartment. Her best friend was many things, but oblivious wasn’t one of them.

“Do you want to say something?”

“Maura, you know damn well what I want,” Jane growled, dropping the covers from her face and for the first time, Maura could see the reddened eyes and blotchy face of a woman clearly distressed. “We need to talk…about that night. And I mean _really_ talk, not just mumble incoherently till someone leaves for one reason or other.”

Maura released a shaky sigh, interrupting Jane’s plea for a fraction of a second.

“I need to know what’s going on with us, Maura. I can’t just sit on the precipice of whatever this thing is between us like it’s just going to go away. I need to know…please, tell me what this is. I can’t keep living like this…I just can’t.”

“Like what?” Maura asked breathlessly.

“Like I’m lost, and confused, and frustrated, and scared, and,” Jane sighed, running her hands through her hair, “desperate for something I shouldn’t want, that I’ll never have.”

Seeing her best friend in such obvious pain shattered the tenuous control Maura had managed to possess over her emotions. Time ceased to exist as Maura crossed the distance that kept her back from the woman that made her so overwhelmed with feelings she hadn’t felt since her boarding school love affairs. Inches of nothingness perpetuated by their own individual loneliness and frustration slipped away with each step of Maura’s heels. Yearning for Jane’s offered touch forced her to take a seat next to the detective’s crumpled body, hazel capturing brown eyes in a promise that seemed destined to be fulfilled.

Their hands craved for a level of contact that had been absent for far too long, subconsciously eased toward each other. Need conflicted with want, leaving both women bare and open to their desires.

Maura’s mind scrambled for purchase as her logic continued to fail her in the face of Jane’s lust for her reflected in her eyes. Her extensive databank of knowledge contained no answers to guide her through this unforeseen predicament. Words were inadequate to describe how much she wanted this; how ready she was to experience her best friend in a way she could only imagine.

Expectations surged in a high tide as they waited for the brief touch of skin on skin that had been avoided for too long. Inch after perilous inch continued to disintegrate into the abyss of irrelevance. Burning tendrils of released carbon dioxide and water from their overworked lungs practically sizzled through the air in anticipation of the main event. Surprisingly, Maura’s mind settled for the first time since the shooting at the precinct.

Time resumed as precious contact was finally made. A small moan shattered the precarious silence and before Maura could even process from where the sound originated, she found herself responding similarly as the tips of her fingers grazed Jane’s finely chiseled facial features. The unexpected surge of raw relentless energy flooded Maura’s system, leaving her breathless in unadulterated excitement. Fear of the unknown washed away as her hands mapped the wild contours of the detective’s beautiful, chiseled features slowly yet assuredly. All of this was new for the both of them but felt right, so very right.

Sensations that had been long since forgotten to Maura’s senses rampaged with each teasing caress, loose curls teased her pale fingers with a jolt that nearly stopped her heart. Their combined heat threatened everything Maura knew about her identity. Another growl from someone’s lips cut through the sexually charged silence that flooded the small apartment.

A single frustrated plea clawed itself from Jane’s clenched teeth, turning quickly into a muttered curse of pleasure as journeying hands explored skin that had been left untouched for far too long. Forbidden thoughts raced through Maura’s shattered brain with each piece of olive skin that her hands claimed possessively.

“Jane…” Maura whined against the woman’s expanse of neck, hands now travelling irresistibly toward the detective’s tank top, one of the few barriers left between them. “You’re so beautiful.”

Yet the magic spell that had been set over them was dispelled just as quickly as it was cast when Jo Friday’s anxious barks filled the cramped apartment. Maura’s eyes snapped open, her mouth stopped during the act of leaving a visible reminder of their encounter on Jane’s trembling flesh. Maura forced her body to separate awkwardly from the brunette’s personal space.The dog was undeterred; her barks continuing onward like a musical piece known only by her and other four-legged creatures.

Looking away from Jane’s unusually emotionally blank features, Maura tried to understand her response to this sudden potential change in their friendship. This was a simple hormonal response to their increased production of sexual pheromones as a natural response to a healthy attraction, but Maura didn’t want logical answers when it came to Jane Rizzoli. Nothing was ever logical with her. Her responses rarely followed the scientific method that Maura knew so well, depended on. Jane was erratic, irresponsible, and everything else she would never be able to be.

The brunette shook her long curly tresses, opening her own eyes with a cough. “Did you feel that?”

“Yes,” Maura said breathlessly before turning back to face Jane’s face. “I did feel something.”

Silence descended upon the room again as the two women remained lost in their respective thoughts. Meanwhile, Bass and Jo had entered a stand-off over who would move first from the living room space and, despite the end of the barking, Bass was winning. Gusts of fierce wind pounded against the window with each passing second.

“Jane?” She asked tentatively, her hands continuing to fidget incessantly.

“Maura.” Jane stated simply, eyes searching Maura’s with a level of anxiety that she couldn’t allow herself to show.

Despite her relatively quick experience with Jane’s body, Maura was already aching to reconnect with the brunette’s athletic frame, but Maura tried to keep her urges under control, for the time being. “For the first time in my life, I don’t have all the answers and, as much as that scares me, I want more of the uncertainty that brings, Jane. I’ve tried reasoning this feeling away with numerous explanations based on empirical evidence but nothing correctly applies to the data that I’ve acquired. No matter how hard I look, I have to accept something I’ve been trying to ignore for far too long. But the last thing I want to do is lose my best friend just to handle a selfish impulse to make myself feel better.”

“Please,” Jane’s voice was a near whisper as her eyes pleaded with Maura. “Tell me, simply. I know it’s hard for you, but I need to hear you say it, no matter the consequences. I just need to hear it, Maura. Tell me that I’m not crazy, that you felt that.”

The burning fire raged in Maura’s heart before pumping into her veins like liquid courage.

Inhaling deeply, Maura ignored her conflicted mind and, for once in her life, allowed her body to take over. Jane’s shocked face appeared again briefly as Maura leaned in for the second time that night and rested her head in the crook of the brunette’s neck.

The tickling sensation of Jane’s hair played against her nose as each slight movement of the taller woman’s head caused the locks to release another waft of lavender into her hungry lungs. She couldn’t get enough of this marvelously beautiful woman. Nothing else mattered.

With renewed fervor, Jo Friday began his angry barking ritual again as Bass snapped exasperatedly at the dog’s leg in protest after Joe continued to block his way to the organic watercress that Maura had laid out earlier. In irritation, Jane all but screamed in protest. “Leave the fucking turtle alone, Jo! Go to my room, now!”

With a huff of protest, the dog left Bass and the two women alone in precious silence but Maura could care less as her mind focused on gaining enough courage to speak her desires. The caress of Jane’s skin against her own gave her confidence as the blonde lifted herself toward Jane’s perfectly tanned ear slowly, ever so slowly.

“I think,” Maura’s voice wavered slightly as she felt Jane’s fingers lightly running up and down her side. “I’m falling in love with you and all I want is…you to feel the same way.”

Against her cheek, Maura felt Jane’s body tense slightly in response to the declaration that took months to admit, yet only seconds to say. Calming waves of relaxation settled upon Maura, the anxiety that had been building since the shooting losing all importance. Nothing had ever felt as spectacular in her life as this moment, besides receiving her doctorate with summa cum laude honors from Boston University. Jane’s skin tingled irresistibly against Maura’s, whispering promises for the future that Maura couldn’t even begin to imagine. Fantasies tumbled through her consciousness as Jane’s fingertips continued to waltz upon her skin…

\---

The smell of romance was in the air of Maura’s apartment, the blistering breeze from the darkening Boston streets playing delightfully with the strawberry-and-cream hued curtains. Lame attempts at small-talk had proceeded for several painstaking hours of waiting for the other to make a move; the heat enveloped them to the point where Maura felt smothered by it. Jane’s red roses lay discarded on the freckled marble of the kitchen island; the petals cried ignored tears as they separated from their stemmed brethren in the breeze that travelled through the blonde’s pristine home.

Maura’s hands twitched unbearably. Each seductive gaze that Jane delivered toward her immobilized her paralyzed tongue even further. Logic was forgotten, giving way to arousal that had been building since their first case together. Muscles, whose names she had once knew like her own body, tensed and relaxed continuously in a cycle of distressing pain that would eventually, Maura hoped, lead to an overwhelming bliss in the near future.

The homicide detective appeared cool and nonchalant, as always, but it was obvious that she was also suffering. In an effort to reduce the tension, Maura cleared her throat with a level of confidence she didn’t actually feel.

“Do you want a drink? I just shipped a nice vintage chardonnay that I had imported from one of my mother’s wine cellars in France. I think the flavor could benefit from a couple more years of aging but my mother claims the flavor is à la perfection, a fine representative of the crop from that year,” Maura said in a rush before realizing the look of confusion on Jane’s sculpted features. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling. I hardly ever ramble, I’m usually so precise. I’m always delirious when I’m around you, Jane.”

“But you love it don’t you,” Jane stated simply as her voice deepened even further, sex dripping with each syllable.

“Yes, I do like it,” Maura whispered with a shiver of excitement. “Quite a lot.”

Expectant silence descended as Jane continued to watch Maura watch her. Words were unnecessary as their bodies continued the conversation on a deeper, instinctual level. The raw sexual energy scorched through their veins with each sizzling heartbeat.

Jane’s eyes closed briefly, a similar shudder coursing through her slim athletic frame. “Maura, as much as I love seeing how much I affect you, could you just come over here and kiss me already? I think we’ve waited long enough.”

Smiling earnestly, Maura’s rapid heart-rate shuddered to a stop as her body moved to connect with her heart’s desire. All of her remaining efforts to analyze the ramifications of their future actions were turned off as instinctual response overwhelmed Maura’s mind, every detail not involving the statuesque brunette in front of her ceasing to exist in what felt like precious milliseconds.

They had waited too long for this moment. After waiting so long, coming together was their only priority. Time was now measured in the amount of movements Jane spent caressing Maura into an even further inferno of excitement, her rapidly increasing heart palpitations as the brunette released her tenuous control over reality, and the shrieks of fulfillment as the two women gave to each other with complete and utter surrender.

Maura tried to go slow in order to catalogue the complex emotional responses for future reference when she was alone with nothing but warm bath-water and her appendages to give her the release she craved. Her mind was a notepad of hormonal reactions; relatively high amounts of serotonin levels resulted in her increased emotional mood, dopamine increased her heart-rate as her body prepared for the increase in oxytocin levels upon reaching orgasm. However, logical records were soon forgotten as the tide of unused hormones ravaged Maura’s mind which a much stronger force than she had been expecting. The rapid cadence of sexual energy that was finally released from the two women refused to be repressed. Her five-hundred dollar Ferragamo sling-backs, imported and were created bespoke for her as a recent birthday present from her mother, were carelessly thrown amongst the conjoined piles of Jane’s worn-in apparel and Maura’s expensive Parisian runway attire.

Maura was a state of absolute disbelief as her body reacted uncontrollably to Jane’s bottomless well of passion; she just couldn’t get enough of everything the brunette was giving. Blonde curls waved down the pale, slightly freckled expanse of the slim doctor’s back, shivering slightly as her head nodded in time to Jane’s possessive love bites made against Maura’s taut sweat-dampened skin and contracting muscles. Surprisingly, the blonde felt the beginnings of the icy fire bubbling in her tensing frame as teasing nips changed into loving caresses that foretold of the burgeoning intimacy growing between the two women.

“God, don’t stop, Jane. Please, don’t stop,” Maura groaned through clenched teeth as Jane showed no signs of stopping her assault.

Small thrusts against the homicide detective’s firm body made Maura sing in excitement, answering moans and groans of satisfaction leaping from her throat. Her hand came up to repel her loudness, but there was hardly any use, she was quickly losing herself in Jane’s talented fingers and curious tongue.

Never had she been this quick to respond during sex before, Maura thought to herself as the continuing heat that had been building farther than she had ever climbed before, ratcheted  down into a final descent of unbelievable sensation. No matter how much she wanted to, Maura knew that she couldn’t stop the need to finally release the tension from her body, even though she knew that everything was moving too fast, too soon. Turning toward her familiar walls of knowledge and logic, the blonde found them to be already fallen victim to the wildfire of energy that had been generated between them. Focused brown eyes kept Maura’s eyes locked as her body looked for an outlet to the tension still sitting between her thighs. She was falling but still not fast enough. Maura needed more contact before she could finally rupture into a quivering mass of orgasmic bliss.

“Good girl,” Jane mumbled against Maura’s bruised skin. “You’re almost there…God, so beautiful, Maura, so damn beautiful.”

Another cacophony of moans ran from the blonde’s throat as the calming words relaxed her while also continuing to stoke the fire rampaging through her nearly spent frame. Pleasure and pain combined, ravaging her petite frame for control.

Tears streamed down Maura’s face as her subconscious thrusts became even more violent and commanding against Jane’s straining thigh. Heated arousal from Maura’s passionate efforts coated the pale expanse of Jane’s taut thigh with little abandon. But it still wasn’t enough, not nearly enough.

The blonde doctor’s high-pitched needy squeals reached Jane’s ears. “Tell me what you want, babe. I’m many things, but a mind reader isn’t one of them.”

A growl burbled from her lips before Maura found the strength to adequately respond with enough syllables to form a coherent sentence. “I need…you to touch me…”

“I’m already touching you.” Jane said amusedly before she resumed suckling Maura’s peach hued nipple, adding a small bite for good measure. “Tell me where, Maura. Don’t be lazy or you’ll never get the reward.”

With an annoyed glare and a small pout of childish indignation that rarely marred the blonde’s face, Maura clutched the fabric of her couch. “Put your fingers inside,” Maura struggled with the last word, manicured nails creating jagged lines down the brunette’s tanned back. “Me…please?”

Jane’s answering smile left as quickly as it arrived before Maura found their positions flipped. Maura cooed in excitement as the teasing suddenly stopped.

“Finally, I’ve been waiting on you to stop being so stubborn and tell me what you want,” Jane’s body descended upon Maura, their hardened nipples meeting briefly before finally completing the union of a seemingly unlikely couple. Warm limbs pleaded one last time for access to Maura’s sex and, after a small whine of submission from the exhausted blonde, knowledgeable fingers entered Maura’s ample wetness with little abandon. Screams of released frustration echoed through the living room as Jane’s fingers drove deeper and harder than anyone else before.

Endless growls transformed into screams as Jane’s cadence increased with each passing second. Knowing there was no way for her to keep the pace she was determined to set for very long, Maura tried to rouse her brain in order to catch the rhythm of Jane’s movements to set up a counter rhythm but, after receiving a death-glare from Jane, Maura quickly stopped.

Minutes of endless passion rained upon the doctor. When she finally did experience orgasm, Maura felt nothing but the shocking feeling of completion. With men, she had never felt enough trust to give herself to the other in the way that she just did with Jane. But, as Maura released Jane from her tight grip, the revelation of the unknown hit her. It hardly helped matters watching Jane stare up at her with that boyish sense of pride.

“How’s that for a first time? I think I’d make a pretty damn good lesbian, if I was into women,” Jane said, tucking an errant lock behind Maura’s ear. “I love you so much, Maura.”

Maura couldn’t even find the strength to agree, but there was no need. It was plainly obvious. Jane Rizzoli, self-proclaimed tomboy and blue-collar Italian Boston native, had shattered Dr. Maura Isles with little effort. Maura was hardly surprised. Everyone knew that Jane would probably make a “pretty damn good lesbian.” The only one who didn’t seem to know it was Jane.

\---

Maura’s sudden declaration of her love left Jane speechless as she stared unseeingly at the moving mass of shell that was Maura’s tortoise. Bass’s methodical movements mirrored her own slow comprehension of the blonde’s words and, more importantly, how to respond.

For all of her thirty-eight years on the planet, Jane had never had to deal with matters involving the heart. Love was something that was never stated, it was implied. When she had been a child, love wasn’t a word thrown around the Rizzoli household unless it was necessary. As she got older, she had always been focused on showing the men in her life that she wasn’t just a woman but a vital member of the team. Her mentality had arose seemingly from birth as she roughhoused with her brothers for her favorite toy and had continued since she had entered the Boston Police Department as a wet-behind-the-ears adult with something to prove.

Despite her slim relationship experience, Jane could not recall a single moment when a man had told her that they loved her. Sure, the homicide detective recalled, she had gotten the typical boyish commentary ranging from, “I can’t live without you,” or the ever popular “I love everything about you,” without any real expansion on what “everything” entailed. She had never expected to hear those three simple words strung together in a sentence before by anyone besides her immediate family, but as Maura’s hand began to play a small melody upon her waist, Jane wanted lightning to strike twice.

Tingling vibrations ran from her throat as Maura’s slim frame fitted snuggly against her own. Yet Jane found it impossible to connect her burgeoning need for the woman into love. She appreciated the doctor’s presence in her life, that much was certain, but it was hard to make the leap from friendly appreciation into love, not the kind of love Maura needed from her. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Maura. She felt trapped between two impossible decisions.

“Maura,” Jane said, her voice cracking. “I can’t do this. I can’t be what you need me to be.”

The slight vibrations from Jane’s words against Maura’s cheek woke her up from her daydream as she looked up into Jane’s tear-stained eyes. “Jane…what’s wrong? Why are you crying-”

“I can’t…deal with this right now, Maura. I just can’t do this, okay?” the brunette interrupted, grasping her hands in an effort to stop their shaking.

She could hardly concentrate as Maura stared questioningly into her, now guarded, eyes. Jane’s eyes flitted across the room anxiously to retain the little resolve she had built up to go through with her actions.

“Please…just leave, Maura.” The homicide detective commanded quietly as the emotional strain of retaining her composure continued to build behind the police mask. “I need you to leave. You’re making things difficult.”

“And you think you aren’t doing the same for me? You think I like waking up feeling like love sick teenager?” Maura exclaimed. “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to at least try seeing where this attraction leads? The way you touched me…you can’t tell me that you aren’t interested in giving it a punch.”

Jane frowned in confusion. “And what the hell does that mean? Maura, we really need to buy you a book of popular idioms. I don’t know what’s worse; you trying to be normal or you using words that I haven’t seen since I took the SATs.”

Maura grabbed Jane’s face with a frown. “Stop trying to change the subject. My experience with women is underdeveloped but even I can tell when someone is aroused. I took Biological Functions of Sexual Stimulation as one of my pre-med reqs. Why are you trying to ignore an obvious hormonal response toward me? Is it…because we’re both women? Did you know that several prominent universities have proven that sexuality for women is very fluid-”

“Stop, just stop before that train of thought can even leave the station. As glad as I continue to be at your endless well of knowledge,” Jane interrupted, shaking her head out of Maura’s soft hold. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

With a shrug, Maura stood up from Jane’s worn-in couch. She began the long and arduous task of gathering Bass’s stuff for her departure, knowing their movie night plans were summarily cancelled. Despite her nonchalant behavior, she knew that her best friend was hurt by her hot-and-cold attitude.

As Maura gathered up Bass’s playpen while saying her good-byes to the sulky terrier, Jane moved to assist her in collecting the tortoise’s bags to walk them to the doctor’s Aston.

Jane placed one of the bags upon her shoulder and immediately started to fall under the unexpected weight. “What the…what’s in the bag, Maura? All of the heels you’ve bought in the last six months?”

Maura looked over her shoulder dismissively, walking over to Jane and picking up the bag with little effort. “Bass is a tortoise.”

“And I’m a human. You don’t see me walking around with bags full of every last memory since childhood. And you know what? I hate it when you use vague statements to answer my questions.” Jane complained as she followed Maura out of her apartment, closing the door behind her.

“All I meant to say is that Bass has a lot of needs that have to be met in order for him to be comfortable. If those needs are ignored, he can become sullen and very hard to live with.” Maura said, turning back slightly to face Jane. “I’m sure you understand that, the power of needs and what not?”

Jane stopped awkwardly on the well-worn stairs. “No, I don’t. And you know, just because you haven’t had sex in a while, doesn’t mean you can lump all of us in the same boat.”

“But I never said anything about boats, and I wasn’t talking about my sex life either. Are you projecting, Jane? That’s not very healthy.”

“How can I ‘project’ when I don’t even know what that means?” Jane shot back at Maura as they reached her burgundy Aston Martin DB9. “Damn, Maura, please tell me you’re renting this beauty. I thought you had an AMG? Did you not like the color or something?”

Maura stopped her task of carefully placing Bass in his car seat to gaze at Jane as she placed the tortoise’s bags in the trunk. “You like? Maybe I’ll let you drive it sometime when you get your gun and shield back. Think of it as your reinstatement present.”

“God,” Jane muttered as she walked around the shining sports car in reverence, “I’d love that… Just the idea of driving this beast around the I-90 is making me want to call Uckey Sluckey for another ‘mandatory physical assessment.’”

Maura shook her head in amusement while walking in front of the detective’s path to caress the scars upon Jane’s palms. “I want you to know…that if you need me to wait for you, concerning us, I will. But, I need to hear _you_ say it, Jane. Do you want me to continue being your best friend or do you want to try and see where this attraction leads us? The ice is in your rink, Jane.”

Left absolutely speechless, Jane could do little except watch as Maura closed the door of the trunk in preparation to leave. With a small hug, Maura hopped into her car. The purr of the expensive British sports-car engine echoed through the empty darkened street as she drove off in to the Boston streets.

“Wait…the expression is ‘the ball is in your court’ not ‘the ice is in your rink’,” A sudden cold breeze blazed through the lonely slim woman’s frame, her sweatpants and tank top providing little protection against the elements. Against her will, Jane’s feet took her back inside to the relative warmth of her apartment building, but the chill was still pinging like a pinball through her bones.

Reaching her floor, a friendly young man who had recently moved in, bumped into the preoccupied woman as he was leaving for another night of clubbing in the city. “Hey, it’s Jane, right? You look miserable.”

Jane chuckled, pushing by the young man and opening her door. Despite her best interests, she hoped that Maura’s expensive perfume was still lingering in her apartment, on her couch, on her sheets. “You can’t imagine how miserable I feel.”

She slammed the door behind her, not caring to hear the smart-ass response that she was sure the twenty-something year old man would offer. Without Maura in it, her apartment was back to its usual personality: dark, moody, and distressing. Even Jo didn’t come out from her hiding place to see her owner.

_Damn it, why do I feel like such an idiot?_

In exhaustion, Jane solved the pain in the only way she knew how. Turning on the television to the Home Shopping Network, Jane burrowed into her fortress of quilted sheets that faintly smelled like missed opportunities, grabbed her cell-phone and began dialing.

“Hey…yeah, it’s Jane Rizzoli. The usual but instead of extra soy sauce can you just give me extra veggies? Hmm, I’ll order the steamed dumplings on the side. Yes, it’s the same credit card number. It’ll be, yeah, I know, about thirty minutes. Thanks.” The sun had completely evaporated into the coolness of night and, for what felt like the hundredth time, she readied herself for another night of suffering. This time, however, the pain would be two-fold. Jane grabbed the florescent orange bottle of pain-relievers, looking for some sort of relief.

“Here’s to another night alone.” She grabbed the warm bottle of water off the table before washing the pills down, each muscular contraction in her throat a fight as the pills threatened to return back to the outside world. “Here’s to yet another night.”


	2. Chapter 2

A month of mutual ignorance developed as the two conflicted women, mainly Jane, tried to focus on their own individual problems. From the constant sympathy that the injured detective received from her colleagues to the simple effort of returning to the rigors of never-ending law enforcement, Jane Rizzoli was already busy without involving Maura back into the mix. Each hoop she jumped in order to prove her readiness to return back to work, forced her to ignore the very thing that was still causing her overwhelming anxiety, Maura Isles.

The last burning remnants of the summer sun worked through the slanted blinds in Jane’s apartment before finally slamming against her closed eyes. The sidelined detective ached to get back to the uncomfortable plastic chair facing the cheap wooden façade of her desk in Homicide. All of the familiar smells of overworked detectives struggling to establish connections with evidence to create some kind of a lead in a case was an acquired taste that Jane missed almost as much as the medical examiner’s continual presence. Being a homicide detective wasn’t just a job done for a paycheck, it was her identity. Not having her gold shield and gun was similar to being a ghost.

There was a level of familiarity that developed each time Jane donned the comforting weight of the gold badge upon her belt and the holstered gun that had saved her life too many times to count. It gave her an all-access pass to the best social network that she could ever want. Frost, Korsak, Maura, hell, practically her entire family was wrapped up in the world of law enforcement.

Enough of the pity parade, Jane thought decisively. Shaking her head aggressively, she stood up from her all-to-familiar spot on her unmade bed before grabbing the sheets in an effort to start the motions of making her bed. Since being released from the hospital, Jane had spent most of her time, when she wasn’t enduring another mandatory session with Sluckey, staring at the television from the couch or tossing and turning in her cold, empty bed in an effort to ignore the phantom pains extending from her stitched up wound.

As she tossed the dirty sheets off the bed after rustling in her tornado-strewn closet for a new pair of sheets, the annoying tinkling of her mother’s ringtone echoed through the room. A loud groan of exasperation ran from the woman’s throat. Damn it, Jane yelled inwardly, finding herself trapped between the coagulated piles of disorganized clutter that had amassed in her closet.

Seconds of struggling against the monster of clutter that had firmly taken hold of her leg, the beginnings of unbearable pain shooting bullets into her mind. The pulsating pain increased in intensity with the ringing from her phone still echoing in the cluttered bedroom and, expectantly but not ungratefully, Jane was released from the clutter in an ungraceful trip out of her closet. With the ringing in her head and the pain subsiding in her body, she hardly noticed Jo Friday’s tapping paws trotting up to Jane’s tangled frame, dropping the vibrating cell phone in front of the homicide detective.

“Mom,” brimming sarcasm evident as Jane muttered, pulling Joe away from her face, “please, stop calling me every hour, on the hour. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was deaf.”

Angela’s sharp intake of breath made her daughter’s eyes roll. “Jane, I’m worried about you. Am I not allowed to be worried about the only daughter I have who persists on throwing herself in dangerous situations to prove her self-worth? Mothers aren’t like bullets, Jane. You can’t just remove them and live with the scar like nothing happened.”

“Ma’…the last thing I want to hear right now is anything concerning bullets since, last time I checked, I was shot. You’re hovering again, by the way.”

“If hovering over you means that I’m helping you realize how idiotic you can be, then, yes, I’m guilty. It’s just that I’m been so worried about you since, well, you know, the shooting and I can’t help feeling what I feel, Jane, you understand that-”

Sighing, Jane held the cell phone from her ear as she began to multi-task on making her bed with the fresh sheets she had managed to find while ignoring the endless concerns of her mother. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about her mother but it just wasn’t important to her at the moment. She didn’t want to talk about her feelings concerning what happened, Jane had mandatory therapy sessions to talk about all of that emotional nonsense. All she wanted was normalcy, her identity, and Maura back in her life. _Is it that too much to ask?_

“So, how’s Maura doing?” Angela said.

“What? Why do you ask? Did she say something to you?’ Jane asked. “Not that I care or anything, I just thought maybe she had talked to you.”

“She hasn’t said anything to me recently…” Jane’s mother replied, stopping suddenly in realization. “Oh, Janey, what have you done to her this time?”

In shock, Jane nearly dropped the phone from the crook of her neck after her shoulder dropped slightly.

“Mom, nothing is going on, okay? I just…thought she had said something to you since _you_ were the one to bring her up in the first place.” Jane sighed, her mind wandering back to the same woman she had tried so hard to ignore. “Are you going to tell me why you called or are you expecting me to guess?”

Right on cue, a loud banging echoed from the hallway. Hanging her head, Jane stopped the process of making her bed and shook her head in defeat. “Why am I not surprised?”

Jane opened her apartment door with reluctance and immediately greeted the overwhelming presence of her mother’s embrace. The forgotten cell phone hit the slightly scuffed hardwood floor as Jane half-heartedly squirmed against her mother’s tight grip.

“I’m so glad to see you outside of a hospital bed. The last time I saw you...you were in a coma and when I heard you left the hospital, I just figured you would call but, of course you didn’t. Why do you always want to do things by yourself?” Angela tearfully exclaimed against Jane’s ear as the breeze from the hallway of the apartment building mingled happily with the slightly stale air of the apartment. “I’ve neglected you, honey, but now I’m going to take care of you like I should have been doing all along. What have I done to deserve a reckless homicide detective as a daughter? Jane, you make me so crazy with worry but, I’m just…so glad you and Frankie are alright.”

Everything was too much for Jane to deal with, overwhelming her hardened demeanor. Moving of their own volition, Jane’s arms moved toward her mother’s back, returning the passionate embrace. Exhaustion, fear, pain, frustration, annoyance, and sadness radiated from the slim brunette, meeting the welcoming acceptance of her mother’s love.

“Mommy,” Jane whispered weakly, nearly collapsing into the comforting shielding embrace of her mother. “I feel so lost.”

\---

Tension rolled from Maura in waves as the anxiety she had been feeling since her discussion with Jane continued to occupy her full attention. Even the simplest task such as filling out the necessary retrieval papers for the local mortuary to pick up the various John/Jane Does that couldn’t be identified with dental records was incredibly difficult for the blonde to concentrate on. In frustration, Maura threw the fountain pen down, closing the files and pushing them aside.

Picking up the departmental phone, Maura waited patiently for the ringing on her end to subside. “Edwards? Yes, it’s Maura Isles; I was hoping you could come up and pick the retrieval forms up for me. No, they aren’t finished yet, but I’m too busy with…other things at the moment to focus on them long enough to do the paperwork correctly. Thanks, call me back when you’re getting ready to send them out.”

Maura dropped the files in the box outside of her door for the assistant before closing the door quickly behind her. The rarely used lock clicked into place at the same time, the blinds shuttered, and the lights blinked off. She had rarely ignored her responsibilities but there was hardly anything she could do Jane’s possession over her heart and mind was impossible to shake, no matter how hard she tried. Ever since that night, Maura hadn’t had a proper nine hours of sleep in weeks. When the blonde did manage to rest her eyes, fantasies plagued her mind which left her feeling exhausted and even more sexually frustrated.

A slow growl crawled from Maura’s sore throat. Naturally, the blonde doctor began self-diagnosing the ailments that were making her mentally ill; the low levels of serotonin causing her lack of sleep, a constant surge of norepinephrine and epinephrine as the fantasies her mind created burned through her insomnia addled brain, leading inevitably to the activation of oxytocin and prolactin as her mind caved under the overwhelming force of desire that was Jane Rizzoli.

The feeling of ecstasy that ran through Maura initially after telling Jane about her desires was soon replaced by another bout of anxiety as she drove away. The disabling fear of showing her personal secrets while receiving nothing in return was overwhelming, wrapping around her stomach in a tense grip.

“Oh god,” The moaning plea rose from the walnut crafted desk. Maura’s head had descended into the cradle of her hands as the stress continued to build. The twitching in her legs began a chain reaction in her fingers as Maura’s eyes closed in an effort to retain the little bit of control over her body.

Unexpectedly, however, a ringing from the blonde’s door captured her attention. Maura’s heavy head lifted in exhaustion as her body subconsciously went through the motions of meeting whoever found it imperative to talk with her.

“Edwards, I left the receiving files in the deposit box above my door. You hardly have to announce your presence to get something left out for you in the first place.” Maura muttered before opening the door, meeting the vision of a young man with a noticeably disturbed look on his face.

Her curious eyes stalked the man’s frame, appraising him casually as he appeared to do the same to Maura’s body. He couldn’t have been much older than thirty at most, but his youth and facial features were hardly his most appealing features.

Rarely had Maura been in awe of a man’s physical presence but as those mystifying orbs of intensity captured her attention, energy flowed through her. Like a love-struck teenager, she lost the ability to form the necessary phonemes to construct a cognitive sentence. The energy that flowed from the intense young man to her tired soul ate away at the disquieting emotions that had taken up residence in her mind. Maura welcomed the invasion with a smile.

“Umm, I’m sorry for the interruption, but are you Ms. Isles?” he said demurely, a small shift in his pristine Valentino dress shoes the only sign of discomfort from the pristinely serious man, forcing the small smile off of Maura’s face.

She cleared her throat of the sudden tightness upon hearing the equally unique deep musical quality of the young man’s voice. “And who’s asking?”

With a masculine puff of his chest, the young man saluted proudly in his Armani tailored suit. “Lt. Col. Elias MacFarlane, USAF, ma’am. People usually call me Lieutenant Colonel but,” Elias’s demeanor relaxed subtly as his words softened, a subtle smile lifting his lips. “You can call Mr. MacFarlane, if you want.”

Maura rolled her eyes before she could catch herself. “Well, _Mr. MacFarlane_ , for a commander, you seem a little casually dressed. Shouldn’t you be covered in accoutrements that display your rank?”

The young man laughed, his whole body shuddering in response to the booming sound echoing from his fit body. “Even officers are allowed to wear civilian clothes on their time off. Do you think I could come in…I’d rather not discuss why I’m here in an open area.”

Despite her best efforts to not let Mr. MacFarlane influence her mind, Maura couldn’t get rid of the childish smile from painting itself upon her face. A silent warning of unease echoed through her body as her heart revolted against the comfort caused by MacFarlane’s entrance in her office. But, as she clicked the light on, the blonde ignored her internal complaints and returned her attention to the neatly maintained long wavy auburn locks of the lieutenant.

“How can I help you today?” Maura asked, motioning slightly for Elias to take a seat in front of her desk.

“An officer under my command was killed in a car accident last week in Boston. The family is, understandably, looking for a quick burial to put an end to their grieving before his young infant daughter is released from state care to them.” Mr. MacFarlane stated simply, unexpected emotion shuddering through his words. “As much as I would prefer the family to allow the officer to be properly put to rest like the hero he was to his squadron, I understand their want for acceptance over their son’s death before bringing a child in the home.”

“Infants have been proven to be just as susceptible to grief as adults, but I’m still confused on why exactly you have to be here, Mr. MacFarlane. Why hasn’t the family requested the retrieval of the body themselves?”

Uncomfortable silence descended and, unabashedly, Maura took the opportunity to appreciate the lean musculature of the thoughtful commander. Firm lines of hamstrings met the hardened mass of, what she assured, was a well-defined rectus abdominal muscle. She couldn’t deny the beauty of the man in front of her, no matter how hard the image of a certain brunette tried to regain control over her consciousness.

Unsurprisingly, Maura was at a lost in determining what this attraction to the handsome officer meant for her relationship with Jane. Each time she repeated the words to herself, it became harder and harder to not see the promise as a lie. Maura loved Jane but it had been a month since she had heard from her.

Waking up from his reverie, Elias’s blue eyes darkened into a moody violet, his hand running through his auburn locks. “Apparently they tried to call but were, rudely by their own accounts, told that their son’s body was not with the department. They soon called my supervisor, who called me, to handle this misunderstanding before it escalated into a source of obvious embarrassment for both the Boston Police Department and the Air Force.

“Basically, I was told to find the officer’s body by Wednesday this week. My supervisor hardly cares that this was my first week off in six months but,” Elias said with a shrug of annoyance before his eyes turned toward Maura. “I can understand if you’re busy, Ms. Isles, but I really need to find that body. If you have a log of bodies in your authority for last week that I could peruse with your approval…I’d be much appreciative.”

Words slipped out of Maura’s mouth before her mind could process them adequately. “Are you always this serious, Mr. MacFarlane?”

The violet orbs of the serious lieutenant darkened even further at the blonde doctor’s words, the tension palpable. “Ma’am, a twenty-five year old officer fresh from the Academy with a fine career of defending his country ahead of him was killed in a car accident last week. Do you care to know why he was driving that night he was killed? I forgot to pick up his daughter’s birthday present because I was too busy sleeping with my latest conquest to remember my responsibilities to my squadron.

“In short, Ms. Isles, I screwed up. His family shouldn’t be made to suffer just because I made a bad choice so, yes, this is a very serious matter, ma’am.” The young officer spat out each syllable with barely restrained passion, his eyes maintaining their sizzling intensity. “If you have problems seeing the seriousness of this issue, I have no qualms finding someone else who will.”

Mr. MacFarlane’s eyes traveled from Maura’s eyes down to the expensive Gucci blouse and tailored doctor’s coat that made up the blonde’s impeccable work wardrobe. An overwhelming need for acceptance shocked her as she willed her eyes to appear disinterested in his actions. She had always been a bit of do-gooder in her childhood but never had she needed someone else’s approval to her actions, except for maybe Jane. The words became a mantra of expectation in the blonde’s mind as she tried to determine the correct response to the detached countenance of the officer.

“I assure you,” she said with a professional tone as her fingers twitched against the underside of her desk, “I am aware of the seriousness of the matter, Lieutenant. I’m sorry for asking such an inappropriate question, given the circumstances.”

“No, I’m sorry for going off on you with my problems. It was highly inappropriate.” He allowed his face to release a slight smile before his eyes returned back to their usual boyish-blue. “Now, do you think you could let me see those files now? As much as I owe it to the officer’s family to find his body, the last place I want to be on my week-off is staring at the same kind of paperwork I worked so hard to get away from.”

Vibration rattled Maura’s desk causing the surprised blonde and young man to look down at the phone number flashing across the screen of her smartphone. Maura smiled politely before leaving the room in consideration and answering the phone call.

Maura looked back at the handsome officer in her office and readied herself for the emotion that would inevitably arise. “Jane, are you alright?”

“Yes,” Jane’s frustration was obvious even with the banging sounds coming from Jane’s end, “I’m fine. I’m just so tired of going through hoops for Sluckey and the captain to prove that I’m ready to get back on active duty, though. I’m fine; I don’t know how many times I have to say that.”

“Maybe he’s just worried for you?” Maura closed her eyes as the anxiety came rushing back with each husky syllable the brunette spoke. “There’s only one Jane Rizzoli in his department, after all. They probably don’t want to risk your full recovery just because you can’t stand being on the side-lines for a couple of months.”

Silence and electronic cackling seized the conversation and Maura felt the beginning of a migraine developing behind her eyes. Between Jane’s sexy voice and MacFarlane’s undeniably attractive masculinity, her mind was rupturing from the seams.

“Thanks for the kind words and…I’m really sorry about not calling, Maura. I’ve just been,” she whispered sincerely before a loud clash was heard in the distance accompanied with a rush of air as Jane, presumably, left the  loud room for a quieter environment, “really busy with all the pre-flight checks.”

“But you aren’t a pilot unless you’ve decided on an odd career change.”

“Maura, obviously I’m not a pilot.” Jane warned half-heartedly. “I’ve been thinking about that night when I came home from the hospital and I was wondering if you wanted to do something later…to talk…about us?”

Maura went mute in shock.

“Later that same day...hello, you still there, Maura?” Jane said with obvious confusion.

“Yeah, um, listen, can I call you back? I’ve got a visitor here who’s on a time crunch to find a body that might have been misplaced or sent to cremation. I’ll call you back in about an hour once this whole body thing is finished.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem.” Jane muttered before they both hung up. Maura had already placed the phone in her pocket just as she opened the door and met the sapphire-hued eyes of Lt. Col. Elias MacFarlane.

“Am I keeping you from something, Ms. Isles?” The lieutenant’s asked with a comforting assurance that pushed the anxiety from the doctor’s slim frame for a second time that afternoon.

“No, nothing important, Mr. MacFarlane, but would you mind if I asked you a small favor?”

“Anything within reason, ma’am,” the young officer replied, his beaming smile exciting Maura’s tired mind.

  “Could you call me Maura? Even my assistants don’t call me Ms. Isles. Just the thought of it makes me feel old,” she stated simply with a beaming smile of her own.

“Maura…that’s a pretty name for a pretty girl. Since we’re on a first name basis, why don’t you call me, Elias?” Elias said flirtatiously, his blue eyes traveling down the blonde’s petite frame with obvious curiosity again.

Maura knew that she shouldn’t let Jane wait since she was, finally, making an effort in resolving this source of anxiety in their relationship but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling slightly vindictive. _Let’s see how she likes it._

\---

Barely restrained frustration hissed through Jane’s lungswith each tight breath as she continued to stare confusedly at her cell phone. Despite her best judgment, she couldn’t stop thinking that Maura had blown her off. Their relationship with each other was tenuous, at best, so it was hardly a surprise that Maura could maybe have other plans but that hardly helped stem the tide of jealousy that threatened to overtake her.

“When’s the last time you cleaned in here?” Angela exclaimed, her voice reverberating off the walls as Jane began getting up from her bed. There was hardly any point in trying to ignore her mother; it was a battle that couldn’t be won. “It’s beyond disgusting in here…I’m surprised you don’t have rats living in these dusty pans. Sometimes I can’t help wondering how much better you’d be if you had a man to take care of you-”

“Mom, _please_ , let’s not go down that familiar line of discussion again. I know that you’re trying to help, but your kind of help tends to be stressful.” Jane interrupted, throwing her cell phone in the general direction of the couch. “I don’t even know why you’re looking at my dust-covered kitchenware. I’m a homicide detective, not Rachael Ray. With my limited free-time, do you really think I’m going to spend it sharpening up my cooking skills?  You’re the only one who seems to care that I can’t cook a five-course meal.”

The smell of disinfectant was added to the stale atmosphere of the apartment as Jane’s mother began cleaning the various pots and pans covered in a thick layer of dusty refuse that had accumulated over the years. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. It’s almost as if you like being alone with nothing but a dog to keep you company but, honey, how will a dog keep you warm at night? If you had a young man to take care of you, someone who understands your life and is willing to work around that-”

A series of strangled coughs burbled from Jane’s throat, the image of Maura’s shaking body on that night last month working its way through her flimsy mental defenses. “Is it really such a big deal if I don’t find a man to ‘take care of me’ like I’m a damsel in distress?”

“Honey,” Angela started to plea, motherly concern evident with each firm wipe of the rag against the dirty pot currently being cleaned, “I’m worried about you. Is it too much for me to want my daughter to have a more traditional profession and have a man to come home to take care of her? Me and your father…things have always been rough with him, you know that, but…I just want to see you taken care of. I met a really nice man who’s a nurse…”

“I don’t want a man, ma!” Jane exclaimed exasperatedly, the tension from the last couple of months finally exploding in frustration. “All I want is…her. I’ve been fighting the obvious but…I can’t anymore. All I want is Maura. Damn it, why am I such an idiot?”

The mid-afternoon air had descended into the typical cold evening that was common of a Boston night. Crossing across the boundary between her kitchen to the living room, Jane closed the windows with a sigh.Her brown eyes wandered in expectation from each of the economy vehicles populating the street below, hoping to see a certain cherry-red Aston that had been haunting Jane’s dreams. The comforting weight of her badge and gun were vacant and, as her hands drifted to her side, she had never missed them more.

Booming force billowed from the slim brunette’s frame, her turn from the window nearly caused her to fall as a sharp pain attacked her side.

“Mom, um, I need to go. Could you show yourself out whenever you’re finished cleaning, snooping, or whatever you want to call it today?” Jane said disinterestedly, grabbing her car keys and jacket off the counter before looking in the mass of sheets for her cell phone.

Angela’s face registered surprise even as Jane began to walk out. “But I was going to make you some tomato soup…and, why do you need Maura? Did she forget to return something to you? Jane, you need to rest before you reopen your wound and pass out somewhere. If you end up in the hospital again…I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“If you’re so concerned for my safety, ma, why don’t you go pray about it…silently…at your house? And, come on, you know I hate tomato soup. It’s right up there with the pink canopy,” Jane bantered. “And, I promise I’ll be okay, but I’ve got to do something that I should have done a long time ago.”

With a small smile in her mother’s general direction, Jane closed the door behind her before running down the stairs of her apartment complex. No longer were the tendrils of anxiety and indecision clogging her soul. Each extension of her long stride down the stairs that took her closer toward Maura pumped pure exhilaration into her welcoming body.

_I’m ready now, Maura. It took me awhile, but I’m ready to give you a decision. Please, wait just a little bit longer for me._

\---

The pleasant sounds of friendly laughter blazed through the medical atmosphere of the morgue as Lt. Col. Elias MacFarlane looked earnestly through the chunks of autopsy records for the last couple of days. With a bashful smile, Maura continued to study the obvious confusion of the young officer, his face reflecting each emotional change in his mind.

Lithe fingers traced each name written in the elegant legible manuscript that was characteristic of Maura’s hand and, with each movement, Elias’s eyes narrowed in the striking planes of his beautiful face. Debating on whether she should help the young man investigate, Maura waited patiently for his request but no such response had been uttered from the man’s lips.

“Elias,” she said with a smile, “I can help you find the files for the officer you’re looking for. At the very least, I can give you a specific date range to look in. Things would be much quicker for you and you could get back to your vacation time.”

Motion stopped as a boyish tuft of auburn hair floated in his eyes, a quick hand pushing it back with little acknowledgement. “You know me far too well already, Maura. But are you sure I’m not keeping you from something? A young woman as beautiful as you must surely have several admirers interested in keeping your bed warm on a cold night. If you’re lacking in that department…would it be too forward for me to offer my highly rated services? I’m only in town for a couple of days before I have to accompany the body back to Langley so I can be discreet.”

A surprised laugh ran from Maura’s lips. “Did you really take a moment of kindness into a polite request for a one night stand? I applaud your willingness to get down to business, it’s quite impressive. Are you always like this or are you just trying to flatter me with your pretty words and Irish brogue?”

 “Darn, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. Now I’m woefully embarrassed,” he muttered with a playful grin as Maura pulled out several files of the large stack before giving them to him. “Hey, can’t fault a man for trying.”

“It’s not as if I’m totally uninterested, it’s just,” she sighed, her eyes closing briefly. “Things are sort of complicated. I really like you but I can’t bare the pain of hurting her like that.”

“Damn, the good ones are always off-limits…Well, at least I can be consolidated in the fact that your admirer is a woman. My boyish ego has been firmly reassured,” Elias said good-naturedly, looking up from his significantly easier task of finding his fallen comrade’s body.

Maura’s smile dissipated as she slowly processed the weight of his words. Being attracted to Jane didn’t automatically make her unavailable to Elias but, despite the amazing feeling of being at ease with the young officer, Maura still wouldn’t replace the craziness that Jane brought to her life for anything. Her earlier feelings of vindication were replaced with the sudden realization that she didn’t just love Jane; she needed her in her life.

“Yeah,” Maura acknowledged with a smile. “I guess I’m a little unavailable at the moment. I’m sorry for, um, leading you on like I did.”

His face briefly lifted and the sapphire orbs captured Maura’s attention for what felt like the tenth time that day. The sculptural magnificence of Elias’s face softened minutely before his body leaned back in Maura’s uncomfortable office chair.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re an attractive woman and I’m an attractive man in the peak of my physical performance,” Elias stated simply as he subconsciously multitasked between finding the report of his fallen comrade and giving Maura the attention she deserved, “it’s only natural for your body to respond to the biological responses our brains are sending, prolongation of the species and all of that nonsense.”

Maura’s shocked face and the silence that followed encouraged the young officer to lift his head again. Another booming laugh shook the small office space. “I was hell-bent on going to medical school as a child but the duty of my country took me first…well, and the promise of a uniform to get all of the girls. That’s all it took.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Yeah…totally,” he deadpanned as his hands grabbed a folder he had been looking at. “Here’s the report. He’s listed as GF-8997T12; do you think you could do a rush on the release forms, Maura? I think all of these chemicals are making me tell all of my secrets.”

She grabbed the file off the desk and began rustling in her desk for the necessary paperwork to release the body to Elias’s care. Maura searched her organized file folders for the necessary forms, unbeknownst to the preoccupied doctor, her phone had begun to vibrate silently on her desk. Thinking it was unimportant; she continued retrieving the files without looking at the flashing image of Jane Rizzoli’s name and number across her smartphone’s screen.

\---

Jane tapped impatiently against the steering wheel of her car, waiting on the light to change. Angry crimson rays travelled through the tinted windows of her car and, as the phone went to the soothing tone of Maura’s outgoing voicemail message, her mood descended even further into blinding frustration. The light changed to red before she could reach the intersection and Jane waited expectantly in preparation for the green light.

“Well, I don’t like how you’ve been keeping me waiting, Jane. How do you think I like it when I can’t hear your voice without crying in misery? I hate you so much,” Maura’s voice echoed from the shadows of the car, shocked surprise radiating from Jane’s body. Her eyes drifted toward the rear-view window and, unexpectedly, the slight tingling of soft fingers grazed up the brunette’s bare arm.

“Oh, honey, don’t waste your time trying to disprove me with what you know to be true,” Maura cooed into Jane’s waiting ear, her hands travelling down muscles that yearned for a touch that couldn’t be real. Warm crimson light continued to wash upon the two women, Jane’s teeth clenching in a misguided effort to repel the stinging satisfaction of the building whimper in her throat.

Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel, blinding red light making her eyes narrow. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. You’re just a result of my overactive imagination and exhaustion. If I could just get some more sleep, this wouldn’t be happening.”

“Oh, I love it when you self-analyze, baby. Sometimes when I’m alone at home, I fantasize that you’re there with me, telling me about all of the things you want to do with me with that sultry voice of yours,” breathing heavily into Jane’s ear, Maura grazed the inseam of the uncomfortable brunette before moving those irresistibly nimble fingers toward her own legs. “And I get so wet. Sometimes I have to change clothes because you get me so soaked, Jane. Can you believe that?

“I’ve even had to move dry cleaners three times since the first day we met. It’s just so hard explaining the reason of the condition of my stained clothes to some people.”

“Do I really,” the frustrated brunette said with a whimper as Maura’s hand journeyed perilously close to intimate territory that hadn’t been navigated in far too long. “Make you that turned on, Maura?”

The blonde’s answering laugh caressed Jane’s psyche with its easing lilts and passionate undertones.

“Don’t lie to me. You can’t even fully accept that you’ve fallen in love with me. Let me go, Jane. It’s obviously too much stress for you to accept what’s plainly obvious.”

Jane’s blackened eyes met the saddened fiery hazel orbs of the woman beside her. “That was then and this is now. It took some time for me to get my ideas in order but, goddamn it, Maura, I can give you what you want now.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Jane.” Maura said solemnly, looking away from the need radiating in the homicide detective’s eyes. “I’m not a toy you can drop and pick up at your leisure. You waited too long for me and I’ve found someone else; someone more prepared to give me what I need than you obviously are.”

Loud honking from the line of cars behind Jane ripped her from Maura’s attentions. The now green traffic light pulsed irritatingly into the darkened car, proving no one was there besides Jane and her vivid thoughts. Her skin still tingled with the touch of Maura’s teasing hands.

_That felt too real…_

“That’s because it was…well, to you at least. I may be just a simple product of your overactive imagination trying to play tricks but, you want me to be real so, therefore, I am.” Maura mused from the backseat as she lowered the window to light up her cigarette. Each neon ribbon of constantly shifting light from the nightlife of late-night Boston streets painted itself upon the primal snakeskin print of the blonde’s Balenciaga high-waist leggings.

The sudden appearance of Maura’s sensuous body in her backseat surprised the wrung-out brunette, her foot punching the gas-pedal, and causing a sudden acceleration that garnered a slight yell from the displaced blonde. “Could you be any more abrupt, Jane? You know, just because you have problems concentrating on the road, doesn’t mean you should take it out on the rest of us.”

“Fuck, Maura. If anyone is abrupt, it’s you.” Jane exclaimed before easing off the gas. “Wait a minute…are you smoking? You don’t smoke. What are you doing wearing those clothes? You look like a hooker I collared a couple of years ago.”

Despite the surprised response, Maura seemed to be unperturbed by her new attire and unhealthy habits. A puff of smoke wafted sensuously in a halo around the blonde’s head before exiting out of the open window.

“Honey, I thought we had this figured out. You’re the mastermind behind this conversation, not me. Whatever impulse in your head apparently wants me to be,” she looked down at her expensive, but certainly not conservative, wardrobe and immediately frowned in annoyance, “borderline slutty is in control. Do you see something you like, Jane?”

“Shut-up! You aren’t real. This isn’t real.”

Laughter rang through the small car. “Are we back on this again, Jane? I know that I’m not real and you know that you aren’t really talking to me like this. But that hardly changes the fact that you’re too late. I’m an attractive, intelligent, wealthy woman in my prime reproductive stage, why does it irk you so much that I’ve moved on to some young stud with low expectations and a high sperm count? You brought this on yourself for waiting so goddamn long. At the very least, you could have told me how you were feeling, but no, that’s too much to expect from Ms. I-Wear-My-Boots-A-Half-Size-Too-Small.”

Anxious calm spread through the small cabin of the car as Jane extended a hand into the passenger seat and grabbed the loose Gucci silk top, pulling the blonde toward the driver’s seat. The car drifted slightly to the left lane which earned a honk of annoyance from several drivers but, remarkably, the car stayed in the control of the preoccupied detective.

“If only you could use some of this aggression with me…maybe I wouldn’t have to find someone else to share my cold, empty, king-sized bed.” Maura antagonized playfully. “God, you should see him, Jane. He’s a work of art, the crème de la crème of masculinity and heterosexual bliss, completely unlike you. Sometimes, when we’re lying in the sweat-stained sheets of another marvelous night of utter fulfillment, I tell him about you. He laughs, I laugh, hell, even Bass throws in a reptilian snicker. He just can’t believe that you let someone like me go because…well, why did you let me go, Jane? Was it a logical result of your ingrained homophobic tendencies or was it just the idea of being with me that you found so damn repulsive? Oh, well, doesn’t matter because, either way, you missed out.”

Choked pain ran trails through the brunette’s shuddering frame. “But…you promised you would wait for me, Maura.”

“I did, honey,” Maura breathed out of clenched lips, real emotion evident for the first time since her appearance. “But I couldn’t wait forever. He gave me the decision that you couldn’t. This is real life, Jane, not a fairy tale.”

Jane could hardly find the strength to respond as Maura’s words iced her soul.

“I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting till it felt right. I know I screwed things up with you Maura but, please,” Jane muttered, her grip loosening, releasing the silk strands from her grasp. “Don’t give up on me. Just…don’t leave me, Maura. I need you in my life and I’ll be damned if I lose you. ”

After several moments of complete silence, the brunette twisted in her seat and found the familiar black faux-leather seats staring back at her innocently. Besides the movement from outside the Boston police department headquarters that Jane had somehow miraculously managed to drive herself to, the car was empty.

“Now, why don’t you go in there and tell me that instead of assuming I’m clairvoyant,” Maura’s disembodied voice said before finally leaving Jane’s consciousness.

Jane grabbed the car door and opened it upon her future regarding Maura Isles.

***

Blurred unfamiliar faces of homicide detectives passed by Jane with each increasingly anxious step as she made her way through BPD. The vast majority of the uniformed patrol cops and detectives on-call were members of the night-shift, all in various states of adrenaline fueled exhaustion. With her head held down, Jane managed to avoid the pitying looks and words of sympathy from faces that hardly mattered.  That hardly mattered to the brunette; nothing mattered except Maura and the tumultuous emotions blazing through her soul.

Her shaking fingers punched the elevator button with the force of a battering ram. The stabbing sensation in Jane’s side that had been intensifying since the drive to BPD, increased in fervor as the brunette struggled to remain upright.  A calming familiarity of the binging arrival of the elevator cleared Jane’s mind of the fog of pain briefly and, with a slight stumble, she rushed forward into the welcoming solitude. Time stood still as each passing millisecond pushed Jane into a further state of paranoia. Finally, the doors closed and began the seemingly never-ending descent of the small metal box toward Maura’s underground realm of death and science.

“Please,” she muttered, aching sensations pulsating through her mind. “Please, be here.”

Jane couldn’t even find the strength to utter Maura’s name out loud. Never had she felt this much need for another human being, her hands trying in vain to clutch against the washing tide of emotion. Each heavy constrained breath streaked loudly through the silence before echoing back into her ears.

_Later that same day… Come on, really, is this elevator taking me to Mars?_

The creaking mechanical sounds continued as the metal coffin descended toward the underground morgue that held her destiny. Seconds turned into endless minutes as the elevator dinged pitifully, opening slowly upon the distressing scene before her.

Jane’s heart stopped as the image of Maura and a red-haired young man with a serious demeanor talked pleasantly with an obvious intimacy that murdered her with a flash of jealousy. The ground fell underneath the brunette as her back fell unceremoniously against the cool metal panels of the door as Jane’s fears were proved to be a reality. _I’m too late…no, I’m too late._ Screams of despair ran through the slim woman as Maura’s childish smile at the devilish man sitting in front of her rang a tune of disappointment in her heart.

“Maura,” Jane repeated in a mantra of reverence. With a slight gasp of pain, Jane clutched her bullet-scarred side; the now un-ignorable heart-wrenching pain stabbing her nerves, leaving nothing left but what-ifs and broken promises. Breathing became next to impossible as each breath of precious oxygen her lungs managed to grab, sent boiling hot embers down through her shivering frame.

In the back of her consciousness, Jane heard the shocked response of Maura and the red-haired man in her office as the floor rushed toward her unfocused eyes. Scarlet rivers of life crashed from the weakened barrier of skin and muscle, flooding the sterile environment of the morgue. A strangled scream echoed in her mind as her life began to slip away from her flimsy grasp, a darkness she had become all too familiar with in the last couple of months taking its place.

Just as she began to give in, the feel of Maura’s hands providing pressure to her side caused her eyes to creak open.

“Jane? Jane, I want you to stay with me, okay? Promise you’ll stay with me, honey,” Maura pleaded with wavering confidence.

She tried weakly to lift her arms to provide comfort to the blonde but failed in her attempt. “What’s…wrong?”

“I don’t know yet, honey. Elias went to go get some help.” Maura soothed before lifting a bloodied hand to Jane’s exhausted face. “You’re clearly suffering from mild hypotension. I can’t sufficiently say in confidence if it’s a result of the reopening of your wound or the pain medication you’ve been taking. Certain medications used for traumatic injuries can have an adverse effect on the body… Several doctors have complained about the impossibility of creating adequate rigorous testing environments that replicate realistic conditions of the users of said medications.”

Jane released a choked laugh before the pain overwhelmed her again. “Am I dying?”

“From a previous occurrence of an injury of this type,” the blonde said, relief flooding her system. “Your reopened wound is just a direct result of damage that has occurred to an arterial blood vessel near the original gunshot wound. But, that would be an unfounded hypothesis based off data that is unrelated to your unique situation, Jane.”

Jane’s unfocused eyes swiveled around in an attempt to roll her eyes at Maura’s default scientist mode that frequently drove her crazy. The slight increases in pressure on her wound pushed a strangled straining gasp from Jane’s clasped lips as the pain lowered slightly.

“Maura?”

“Yes?”

Jane sighed as she willed her heart to stop beating so fast. “Last time we were like this, I never forgave myself for putting you in that position. All I could think about was saving Frankie and protecting you from harm. I never stopped fighting for you, Maura.

Jane struggled to breathe stopped her briefly. “I love you and I’ve just been too goddamn focused on myself and my own problems to admit it. I know I’m too late, Maura, but I just needed to say that, just in case…my luck runs out.”

A beaming smile painted itself across Maura’s face before she leaned down and kissed Jane’s forehead sweetly. “You’re hardly too late, Jane.”

“What about that red-haired hunk of burning love you were enjoying?” Jane looked away briefly before watery chocolate eyes reconnected with Maura’s piercing irises.

“Elias? He was here on business. He’s sweet, but he isn’t you. Jane, you’re everything I could possibly want, now and forever.”

Jane’s eyes closed as her body released the tension in her heart with a booming sigh, “Make sure you tell me that when I’m little more coherent, Maura. Promise me.”

“Promise,” Maura managed to say before the grip in Jane’s hand loosened. At the same time, Elias and the paramedics charged past the elevator door. The lifeless body was whisked away, leaving Maura and Elias alone.

_Oh God, please be okay, Jane. Please…_


	3. Chapter 3

For the second time in the last two months, Maura found herself hovering around the motionless body of Jane, worry evident in her tired eyes. After the paramedics had arrived in the morgue at the police station, Jane had been driven and admitted into the hospital with a level of haste that surprised yet comforted Maura’s anxiety riddled brain. The tremendous energy created by the faceless nurses and doctors on staff was efficiently used, not even the smallest effort to save another’s life was wasted.

“It’s going to be alright,” Elias whispered encouragingly to the fidgeting blonde, strong hands capturing her attention with a friendly embrace.

“I’m a doctor, I’ve seen far worse injuries and I know that Jane’s going to fine, her injury is relatively minor, but,” breathing in and out, Maura tried to steady the overwhelming gagging reflex that was threatening to take over her body. “I can’t stop worrying, Elias. The what-ifs are scaring me more than the reality. If she dies…I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Oh, I need to call Jane’s mother. She’d want to know that Jane’s wound has reopened but I don’t know if I can…”

“I’ll call her for you.” Elias reassured, casually running his hand up the tensed muscles of her back. “But you need to relax. I know you’re scared for your friend, but misguided fear is even worse than feeling nothing at all. Stop letting your heart rule your mind and focus on what you do know, Maura. Jane’s going to be fine, trust me. I had a pilot in my squadron who was just like Jane…she got shot by three missiles and still managed to land that damaged heap of metal to the ground. She earned my trust that day. From that day onward, I’ve always known she’s got my back and I’ve got hers. That’s what Jane needs now, Maura, your trust in her to pull through this and make it back home to you, alive.”

“I know that,” Maura muttered unconvincingly as muscles began to relax slightly, his kind words cutting through the wall of anxiety that had built itself up around her mind. “But she’s my…best friend, Elias, not a team member or a work associate. I…love her. I can’t just compartmentalize my feelings and ignore them, not anymore.”

“I’m not asking you to compartmentalize your feelings. But, a woman as smart as you must know that you can’t let your love blind you into turning into a nervous wreck. It’s not going to help, trust me.”

“How would you know? Why are you even here in the first place? You don’t know anything about me, Jane, or my situation,” Maura said angrily, moving from Elias’s hands. Despite her mind telling her that this display of emotion was inappropriate, Maura couldn’t stop herself from being swept up in emotions that were unfamiliar and overwhelming.

“Because I made the same mistake and I don’t want to see you go down the same path.” His voice boomed through the room as blue eyes darkened with restrained guilt. “I let my heart rule my head and a man died, Maura.”

“I’m not you, Mr. MacFarlane.” Maura stated, demanding Elias’s attention with her own fiery eyes. “And as much as I appreciate your well-meaning advice, I don’t appreciate being told what to do. Jane doesn’t need me to trust her from a distance. She needs me to show my love for her. If that’s a problem for you to accept, you should probably leave.”

Elias’s characteristic booming laugh took Maura and the surrounding nurses by surprise and he reached behind her to grab her phone. “Well…you have more courage than I never will. If you ever need a second career, I can always use a woman with your kind of gumption working on my planes.”

“Yes,” Maura said with a small smile, “well, if I need a man to make me absolutely annoyed, I’ll call you for a temporary position.”

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“I think so. Actually, I’m not really sure. I tend to struggle with conveying the proper ironic tone of voice necessary to convey sarcasm. Jane says it’s a direct result of my inability to lie.”

With a smirk of restrained laughter and another friendly caress, Elias left the busy waiting room of the operating room to call Jane’s mother. Maura exhaled in exhaustion as she gladly accepted the silence of being alone with her thoughts and anxieties. All of the commotion of the past couple of hours had wiped her mind of everything, including Jane’s revelation. As excited as she had been upon hearing the three words she had waited for too long to hear uttered from Jane’s lips, it was impossible to concentrate on anything but her health and well-being.

“Ms. Isles, would you like to come with me? The doctor says that he needs to speak to you about Ms. Rizzoli,” A friendly nurse dressed in the navy blue scrubs that were characteristic of the Boston metropolitan hospital said friendly. The memory of wearing those same scrubs when she was interning during medical school took over her consciousness briefly. She shook her head and walked behind the young nurse toward Jane’s room.

Maura entered the muted atmosphere of her best friend with light footsteps before looking up at the doctor expectantly.

“Goddamn it, who is that, doc? Is that Maura?” Jane said exasperatedly. “Don’t look at me that way, you know as well as I do, that it’s as dark as St. Andrews in here. Can we please turn on the lights?”

Another moment of silence passed as the doctor presumably responded to Jane’s complaints. Maura released a sigh of tension as the anxiety over Jane’s health washed out of her pores with each aggressive syllable that came from the brunette’s mouth.

“Jane, we were lucky that our injuries were minor but if we keep running around like a bewildered bunny, we’ll be right back here with our esteemed trauma specialist,” Dr. Byron Sluckey said obnoxiously.

“Byron, I’m fine. I can’t assert that fact enough. Can’t you clear me to leave, please?” Jane begged. Her voice wavered upon seeing the flash of color reflected from Maura’s bracelet. Her eyes locked onto Maura’s and everything ceased to exist except the other. They had so much to talk about but hardly enough privacy for it.

With a pleading glance, Maura told Byron to leave and, thankfully, he understood the nonverbal message with little effort.

“She’s fine, by the way.” Byron added, closing the door on the two women who were far more enraptured with each other to listen to his words. “You can take her home today since her operation was minor and required little anesthesia. Please, Ms. Isles, take her home. Everyone is tired of hearing her witty repartee.”

“Excuse me? What did you just call me?” Jane exclaimed before the sight of Maura walking toward her on the bed, shut her up.

A multitude of emotions travelled through the two women; excitement at the possibilities between them, relief, and the sexual tension that had been nearly unbearable since that moment in Jane’s apartment several months ago. She craved Jane’s touch but Maura knew that a conversation between them had to come first because it was long overdue.

A ray of sunlight blazed a barrier between the two as Maura sat down; facing away from Jane’s searing eyes. “You look a little pale.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. It’s not like I wasn’t busy fighting for my life or anything.” Jane muttered sarcastically. “And you look like you haven’t seen a bed in a decade.”

“I’ve been worried about you.” Maura said, turning her eyes briefly toward Jane’s. “That’s all I ever do when it comes to you, worry.”

Exhaustion hammered Jane’s body as she struggled to lift her upper body with muscles that had been disused for several months. “And I’m truly sorry for that but, Maura, that’s my job. It’s who I am. Riding a desk while watching everyone else get dirty is not my idea of a good day no matter who’s at home waiting for me.”

“I don’t want to change who you are, Jane. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place. But do you think that makes it any easier on me to watch you _willingly throw yourself in harm’s way_?” Maura felt the beginnings of hyperventilation setting in and tried to relax her nerves before continuing. “When you shot yourself…I didn’t even have time to process. The doctors kept asking me questions that I couldn’t even begin to answer; your blood type, allergies, if you were an organ donor…I couldn’t take it. Being in the waiting room with your mother crying on my shoulder and Frost and Korsak staring holes into the ceiling…it just made me really scared, Jane. You just decided to make an idiotic decision without even telling me and I just…

Maura took a deep breath. “You needed me that night and I couldn’t handle that kind of responsibility, that level of trust. So I ran away like a scared child. And I’m still running away, aren’t I? All I want is the craziness that you make me feel, but all of that chaos…it scares me like nothing else. You know the unknown isn’t something I’m particularly familiar with.”

Surprise entered her slim frame as Maura felt the warm droplets of tears hit her legs. Each trail of tears leaked into her mouth, salty bitterness blending with the taste of pain that had been in her mouth since Jane’s shooting. Every ounce of her soul focused on the effort of stopping the tears before the bedridden detective could notice but resistance was futile, the brunette grasped her shuddering arm and pulled her into a makeshift embrace. Pain laced its way up Jane’s side but it became a distant memory at the feel of Maura’s body against hers.

“Honey…now you know how I feel. You think I like having my heart on my sleeve every time I talk to you? You’re the first to ever make me feel absolutely and positively vulnerable, Maura. But you know what? I’d rather be vulnerable with you than sitting at home on my couch with Jo while wasting money on porcelain figurines.

Jane’s hands ran up and down the expensive fabric covered back. Maura’s eyelids struggled to remain open, exhaustion now taking the place of fear. “When I was in the academy, the drill sergeants always told us that fear might bend you, break you, transform you but it’ll always make you stronger. Never have I feared something as much as being with you, Maura. Please…make me stronger, Maura.”

“Jane…tell me…” the blonde whispered pleadingly to Jane, whitened hands clutching the even whiter bed sheets. “Tell me that you love me, that it’s okay to feel so much emotion…I need to hear it, please.”

“I love you, Maura, and I feel just as crazy as you.” Jane shuddered as Maura’s body relaxed fully into her with a small groan of released pleasure. “Now, if you don’t mind, do you think you could drive me home? The longer I spend in this damn jail of disease, the harder it is for me to concentrate on finally having you in my arms.”

\---

The fast approaching darkness descended upon Jane and Maura as they sat on the floor in Jane’s apartment, focused solely on the task of concentrating on the game of Scrabble. Continuing to stare at the intense focus of the blonde, Jane cracked her neck while pondering her word choices given her slim choice of letters. She knew that Maura was hogging all of the vowels but it was nearly impossible to prove it given her slim knowledge of the game.

Jane released a barely audible growl of frustration at Maura’s sweet smile of victory. Words that couldn’t be made swirled in the brunette’s mind with each passing second as her rack of letters mocked her lack of an advanced degree.

_I can’t lose this, not after that high-stakes bet…_

“If you’d stop thinking about the prize, you’d do a lot better on the execution to get there,” Maura said, her hands playing an unknown tune upon the worn-in coffee table that had seen better days. “But, maybe you aren’t up to this, Jane? You were just cleared for active duty just last week and, if you remember, you had to have your bullet wound sutured for a second time last month. It’s unfair of me to expect this much from you after the last couple of stressful months.”

Jane rolled her eyes in amusement. Stressful hardly described her experiences in the last couple of months adequately. Never in her life had Jane imagined that she would shoot herself outside of the Boston Police Department, listen to Maura declare her love for her, gotten jealous over a boy that resembled Ronald McDonald sent to boot camp, told Maura that she wanted to try giving a relationship a try, or be sitting in her apartment on an impromptu fifth date with her best friend. It was a lot to process, to say the least but, so far, everything that had happened had begun to fall into place for Jane.

Dating Maura was hardly any different than being friends, except that she dropped by more often unannounced. Their work relationship remained the same balanced combination of street smarts and science, sarcastic responses continued to be met with the blonde’s unique level of obvious confusion as her mind tried to connect the meanings of Jane’s words. However, when Jane trudged home after another day of exciting but tedious detective work, Maura was always there with an easy smile and a bottle of vintage Merlot that probably cost more than her monthly take home pay.

 “Yes, Maura, I do remember the details of the last couple of months, thank you,” she said with playful annoyance before resuming her ogling of the tiles. The light tapping made by her girlfriend’s fingers increased Jane’s heartbeat as her mind went to the sensation of those fingers running up Jane’s spine.

Silence continued to spread across Jane’s living room before dropping her head upon the desk in frustration. “Damn it…this isn’t fair. I can’t win at Scrabble because I hate Scrabble. Why couldn’t you make this bet with a more sensible game like, oh, I don’t know, Candy Land or Chutes-n-Ladders?”

“Do you really think I would bet whether I would sleep with you tonight over a childish game like Candy Land? There’s no strategy and it’s designed for children. And you know what,” Maura began quizzically, maintaining her poker-face. “I’m not particularly sure what Candy Land is. Is it some kind of game where players guess the sugar concentration levels of popular candy brands because that doesn’t sound like a game for you to procure a high win to lose ratio in your favor.”

Jane rolled her eyes while looking up at Maura’s coy face. “Are you kidding me right now? How can you not know what Candy Land is, but then you just described it as having ‘no strategy’ and being ‘designed for children?’ You’ve obviously heard of it before if you’re making judgments.”

“You know I don’t like it when you assume, Jane,” Maura said, her naked feet playing lightly along Jane’s tense calves.

“How is that assuming? If anything,” Jane shivered as Maura’s toes continued to play havoc with her mind. “It’s, how would you put it, logically putting together facts that have been presented.”

“No matter how you phrase it, Jane, your assumption is still making an ass out of you and me. Now stop stalling and use those letters, please,” she said amusedly before taking her wandering foot away from the on-edge homicide detective, stretching her body suggestively to loosen tightened muscles.

“Fuck this,” Jane muttered.

Surprise painted Maura’s face as the brunette stood up, walked toward her relaxed body, kissing her with a level of passion that Jane hardly knew she possessed.

The radiant smile released from Maura’s lips told Jane that she was doing something completely right, a moan of pleasure burning through her ears after leaning Maura down toward the hardwood floor. Breaking from her prey, Jane stared at the beauty that was all hers.

“So here we are, again.” Maura said breathlessly, excitement brimming through her veins. “You do realize you’re cheating, Jane.”

Her hands naturally found the precious amount of pale skin put on display before Jane’s eyes, “I don’t see you complaining.”

“Because, honey, it’s about time you get direct.” She said, lifting her shaking hands up toward Jane’s awestruck face. “Now let’s have some fun. God knows we’ve been waiting for too long.”

Tears of relief rolled from Jane’s eyes and were brushed away by Maura’s soft caresses, “I love you, Jane, only you, all the time.”

“I know. God, I know,” Jane begged. “Please let me love you. Please…”

 The frustrated plea was unnecessary, Maura’s hands falling from Jane’s face to her shaking back. Her neck fell submissively to the side even as her eyes continued to support Jane with the actions that were sure to come.

_I don’t care whether this is right or wrong. I don’t care what Korsak, Frost, Frankie, or my mother will say. I love Maura and nothing is going to change that, ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next installment: Dance with the Devil. Look out for it. Hope you enjoyed reading.


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